I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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