Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
