i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i've created a new STD.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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