Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
