In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
