it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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