I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
