I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
