Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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