i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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