Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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