It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
