chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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