just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
