is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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