Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
