party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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