i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends