They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...