Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.