i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
