CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
