I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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