Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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