I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
