he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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