Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When are your genitals available?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
