I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bring me that man meat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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