Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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