Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
