I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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