You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
