Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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