A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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