in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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