Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
