just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
