i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
