I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
