I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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