I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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