I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize