I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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