The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?