that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?