Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
