first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night