Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.