I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
