now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
