I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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