I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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