You can't special order awesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
