I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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