When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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