but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize