You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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