based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
