you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
