You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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