that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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