do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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