please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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