This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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