His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
