Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
