I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
