I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
