I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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