Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
