I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
