Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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