so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
