My friends, they love my intelligence
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
