We won't sleep together?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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